I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
