There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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