I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
