I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
