If i come over, it means nothing
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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