How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
