I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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