worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
