I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
