You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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