His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
