So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
The beer is more important than you right now.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
