I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
