My room smells like vodka and shame
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He is an equal opportunity slut.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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