i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
