ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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