i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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