It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
