do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
