doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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