i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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