There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
