My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
