the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Dear god my vagina.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
