can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Can you bring me the toilet please
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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