You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
