i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Will exercising make me less horny?
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