look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
