I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
