guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
