He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
being pregnant is like rehab
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
