i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
