you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
