ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
