drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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