i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
