i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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