Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You're like the curious george of whores
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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