the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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