The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Randomize
