i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
