Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
