If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
