i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
We smell like vodka and hangover
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