god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
