New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
don't judge my taste in strippers
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
