Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
