We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
