i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
