I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
