Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
