u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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