I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
