I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
