I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
