I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
