Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You're a waste of cheezeits
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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