The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
