I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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