he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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