Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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