Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
